Breaking Dawn Part 2 Review: Looking forward to the drinking game

November 16, 2012 in Blog, Irish Daily Star

The final instalment in the five-film Twilight Saga is a fitting end to the franchise and will no doubt please fans with a plot that loyally mirrors the book — apart from one unexpected twist.

At the end of Breaking Dawn Part 1, Bella (Kristen Stewart) died giving birth to daughter Renesme but Edward (Robert Pattinson) turned her at the last second — so Part 2 opens with Bella as a newborn vampire.

However, the evil Volturi mistakenly think Renesme is an immortal child, and set out to destroy the Cullens for turning the child.

Jacob (Lautner) is part nanny, part guard dog to Bella’s daughter now, who he has ‘imprinted’ on. Even Taylor Lautner doesn’t understand what imprinting is, so we shouldn’t try either.

Essentially this makes him part of the family now, and he helps the Cullens seek out their friends to show them how Renesme was born and not made, in the hope they can all stand together and convince the Volturi of their innocence.

There are a lot of landscape shots in an effort to show that the Cullen Clan are creatures of the earth, looking to live in peace and harmony — as any good vampire family.

Renesme was so CGI ‘enhanced’ the entire cinema burst out laughing every time she appeared on screen.

It’s ridiculous — she looks like a Photoshop disaster. The child grows so quickly (because she is half vampire, half human) that they show her morphing as she goes along for the sake of continuity.

Unfortunately it is a waste of time as she just looks weird throughout. Whatever happened to a bit of skilfully applied make up?

Whoever is responsible for this freakish-looking baby will most likely never work again in Hollywood.

Another unintentional highlight was the Irish clan of vampires — who appeared on screen to resounding laughs.

The only way they could have been more stereotyped was if they had been leprechauns carrying shillelaghs. Best contender for worst Irish accent in a movie, since Tom Cruise in Far and Away.

Every ounce of the film was clearly written by a Mormon, from the vanilla sex scenes (in contrast to fan-fiction Fifty Shades Of Grey) to the Disney ending (we’ll try not to spoil it).

Judging by the first time Bella and Edward have sex as vampires, they’re really not that into each other — but they keep saying they love each other, so we have to believe them.

We look forward to watching all five movies condensed into one 90-minute clip on YouTube in the near future.

All you need to do is remove all the gazing into each other’s eyes, standing around, and shots of the landscape (you’re in the countryside — we get it!) and you’re left with a story of old fashioned morality.

Marry young, remain virtuous until your wedding night, die in childbirth, become a vampire, forget that you once had a life and friends before you were married and had a child, then continue to put your own life/immortality in danger for the well-being of your child.

The movie does deviate dramatically in places from the book, but for good reason. No-one would go to see the movie of the book where they invite all their friends of the family round, have a chat, nothing happens, and everyone goes on their merry way — or will they?

Some dramatisation has occurred, but in general it is pushed along by Bella’s fight for her new family.

It looks beautiful throughout. If you like the Twilight franchise then this fits in perfectly and brings the story to a happy conclusion.

If you’re not sold on Twilight then why are you still reading this? Seriously — you won’t like it at all.

Now all we have to look forward to is the limited edition deluxe box set. With any luck the accompanying drinking game will involve doing a shot every time they look longingly into each others eyes.